276 - Elle McAlpine - An Intimacy Coordinator Sets the Stage for Consent and Authentic Connection on Screen and in Real Life

Jan 8

“The spectrum of what intimacy means is quite broad, and it’s getting broader.” - Elle McAlpine

Let’s play fill-in-the-blank: Sex is _____ . The possibilities are endless! But, my word of choice is intimate. It’s a perfect shorthand for the spectrum of desires, experiences, and, yes, traumas that inform every sexual encounter––even if the act in question is fake. As in: part of an acclaimed Hollywood film in which sex represents the main character’s evolving agency.

Intimacy Coordinator Elle McAlpine has worked on some impressive projects, including the award-winning film, Poor Things, starring Emma Stone, and the award-winning Netflix series Baby Reindeer, created by and starring Richard Gadd. Poor Things is an inventive, Frankenstein-adjacent story that follows the conscious and sexual awakening of a woman created with the brain of a toddler. Baby Reindeer is adapted from Gadd’s autobiographical one-man show based on his lived experiences of stalking and sexual assault.

Co-host Anne Remy engages Elle in a nuanced conversation about the power dynamics, energy transference, and permission structures at play behind the scenes of our favorite films and series. When Elle says, “The spectrum of what intimacy means is quite broad, and it’s getting broader,” I genuinely believe that her barometer (as well as her counsel) applies to sex well beyond the confines of a movie set.

“Intimacy coordinators are essentially a very new department in the TV and film, and now, slowly, theater industry,” says Elle, a cofounder of the UK-based company EK Intimacy and trailblazer within the industry. “We advocate for actors when it comes to intimate content, including any simulative action, any scenes of nudity, any kind of familiar intimacy.” It’s Elle’s job to finesse the on-screen working relationship so that it feels like an authentic connection. “But true, authentic connection is not easy for a lot of people,” she acknowledges “That’s what my skill is: bringing them into that kind of giving and receiving energetics.”

An intimacy coordinator’s emotional labor extends to those off-camera as well. “We're there to make sure that communication is had across the board,” Elle explains. She helps all parties, actors, and crew preserve the physical and emotional integrity of their space, especially when a scene’s sexual content isn’t consensual. “Sometimes crews aren’t necessarily conscious that they're watching something for ten hours, how that impacts their system and their body,” she says. “I'm not a therapist [but] what I do have skills in is embodiment.” Thankfully, those skills are increasingly welcome on set.

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EK Intimacy

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Elle McAlpine is the co-founder of EK Intimacy and brings a unique perspective to intimacy coordination through her background in acting and directing. Passionate about exploring character psychology and storytelling through sexual expression, she helps create spaces where actors can approach intimate scenes with agency and creativity. Her recent work includes Poor Things, One Day, and The Winter King.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Death, Sex, & Money: Baby Reindeer’s Intimacy Coordinator on Sex and Trauma on Screen

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