170 - Ebony Rutko - Presence, Listening and Deep Curiosity Using NARM For Yourself and Clients

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“It's really made a difference for me to have someone who can hold that space and hold that energy without trying to shift or to fix or to move on, but really allow and to permit this like spaciousness around them.” ~Ebony Rutko

Do you ever meet someone whose spirit surrounds your own with warmth and light and knowing? Yeah...Ebony Rutko is that spirit in human form. A clinical social worker with her practice in Canada, Ebony applies her advanced clinical training in NeuroAffective Relational Model™ (NARM) to help adults address issues with attachment, relational and developmental traumas. 

If you’re new around here and have no idea what NARM is, Ebony’s heart-centered introduction to the model provides some high-vibe insight. If you’re a fan from way back, you know I love talking all things NARM. Ebony’s ongoing exploration of healing herself using NARM is a reminder that when we as therapists do our intrapersonal work, we build foundations strong enough to provide support for others.

OK, now that introductions are out of the way, allow me to attempt using words for a concept that is, basically, wordless. Knowing -- It’s the ability to hold space for others as they continue their evolution and movement through trauma, through the broader universe. It’s a gift that comes directly from allowing ourselves that same space, witnessing that same transformation in our own lives. Doing.Our.Own.Work. 

Of course, while I might fumble to define that knowing, Ebony can and does so beautifully. She delivers straightforward observations about our search for connection and our desire to let go of the protective strategies that no longer serve us.

“In this journey, and even as I do my own therapy, the more I see myself clearly, the more I realized that I am not all of these things that I have convinced myself that I had to be,” she says, getting to the core of NARM’s excavation process. NARM digs through the layers heaped on identity and creates room for growth. “You know, with these connection-style things that I struggled with a lot of the time, it's hard to take in the fullness of all of that sometimes, but it's just been such an incredible journey, and I'm so grateful.”

Ebony and I get in deep for a pithy episode: NARM, psychedelics, expansive universal truths. If you’re at all curious about post-traumatic healing, unconditional love, or using ayahuasca/plant medicines in supportive practice, there’s some beautiful abundance here, as Ebony likes to say, about the sacred processes we engage with to heal ourselves and help our clients.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

In The Dark

NARM - NeuroAffective Relational Model

Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship - Laurence Heller, PhD.

GUEST CONTACT INFO & BIO

Website

Ebony Rutko is a white, queer, cis-female clinical social worker located in Whitehorse, Yukon Territory, Canada. She owns a private practice and provides in-person and remote therapy to adults using the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM). Ebony believes in the power of connection, and that true healing happens as we cultivate a greater capacity to hold ourselves with presence and curiosity.

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