166 - Dr. Margo Jacquot - Healing Childhood Misattunement and the Complexity of Grieving a Parent’s Death
“I was really blessed to have some very good therapists over the course of time. Each of them contributed something different. I saw a couple that were just horrible and lousy, and that was useful, too.” ~Margo Jacquot
As four-letter words go, loss has to rank as one of the most feeble. Think about it. When a person loses someone who had an impact on their life, we’re quick to offer up our condolences via the phrase “I’m sorry for your loss.” Bleck! Grief, especially for those experiencing the death of a parent who may have neglected, abused, ignored, or invalidated them, is complex and contradictory. Margo Jacquot, PsyD, agrees. We flip the script on standard responses to loss, explore the gifts and grind associated with addressing our wounds as therapists and discover a mutual fascination for a particular taxicab medium.
“Loss is too pithy. It doesn't cover it,” says Margo, agreeing that the word is too compact to express the many layers of some child/parent relationships. For those whose childhoods were marked by difficult dynamics or unsafe experiences, there’s a lot to unpack after the death of that parent. Emotions like anger, rage, and relief are as valid (if not more so) than the tidier, expected responses like grief and sadness. Margo approaches the relationship she has with her now-deceased father with a deeper awareness of its limits. “I think he could have done way better, but, [ ] for whatever reason, he didn't.”
Healing early developmental wounds is a lifelong process. As a child, Margo’s misattunement expressed itself physically in the form of stomach cramps. “I was 10; there was no play therapy,” she explains. “I just needed somebody to listen.” Her mother sent her to a therapist who did just that. Those three sessions, brief as they were, changed the course of Margo’s life. Today, she provides others with the same opportunity to feel heard and safely explore resolutions to their challenges. “Do I think what I do is healing to people? Absolutely,” she says, “and I don't just mean as a therapist. I mean as somebody who has realized the necessity of attunement in the world.”
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Your Mental Health Business Mentor e14: Doing Your Own Work w/ Sarah Buino
Thomas John Flanegan: The Seatbelt Psychic
NARM - NeuroAffective Relational Model
EMDR - Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
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Mental Health Business Mentor Podcast
Dr. Margo Jacquot is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist. She is a national lecturer on trauma recovery, behavioral issues, LGBTQ issues, and working with couples. Dr. Jacquot is the founder and Chief Care Officer of The Juniper Center, one of the largest woman-owned counseling and therapy practices across Chicagoland, with over 40 clinicians at 5 locations and via telehealth. Margo also has a new Podcast - Mental Health Business Mentor.
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