296 - Resigning from Roles: Estrangement and Authenticity with Annie Schuessler Zam
“As soon as we touch a piece of recovering ourselves, like remembering who we are, finding our strengths, it's like there is this grief of what we didn't have before; a remembering.” - Annie Schuessler Zam
Welcome to Part 2 of my catch-up with Annie Schuessler Zam. If you haven’t already, I recommend starting with Part 1: A Continuum of Connection: Parent-Child Relationships, Caregiving, and Self-Healing. I consider Annie as a case study in remaining open to possibility. She embodies a fearlessness that we all possess but often shy away from activating. Courageousness is scary, after all.
When I interviewed Annie in 2021, she had already built a fantastic business coaching practice for therapists, launched an incredibly successful podcast, and set out on an intense healing journey. Much of her psychedelic-aided explorations since then have centered on coming to terms with estrangement from her parents while also raising children of her own.
“I know as a parent, it would be devastating to me if I didn't get to be close to them. I can see how horrifying the idea is for people and why it's so edgy,” Anne admits. “But, I really don't think they owe me their presence in my life. I made the decision to parent, and they didn't make the decision to be my kid.”
Annie’s experiences on both sides of the parent/child relationship have informed her pivot from licensed therapist to coach. Some might consider that a risky professional move. But the shift has allowed her to meet clients outside of the conventional medical model. Annie merges body-based techniques like brainspotting with parts work like Internal Family Systems (IFS) to help folks through their estrangement journeys and heal their trauma.
Parental or caregiver estrangement is not new, but it’s uniquely challenging for those who identify as LGBTQIA+. And, while differentiation doesn't always end in estrangement, the journey does require folks to confront a choice: staying true to themselves versus staying inside a family system that doesn’t want them to exist as is.
“The language of IFS is so helpful to me in this work,” says Annie. “It has been such a helpful way to think about my own relationship with the little parts of me that held all those really rough burdens. It makes sense that you would have so many different feelings and parts around how you wanna relate to your parent or caregiver, and that they don't all agree with each other. That’s totally okay.”
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
NeuroAffective Relational Model
RECOMMENDED EPISODES
Annie Schuessler, Rebel Therapist - Make an Impact Beyond Traditional Private Practice
GUEST CONTACT & BIO
Annie Zam Healing
Annie Schuessler Zam (she/they) is a therapist turned healer and the host of the Rebel Therapist™ podcast. She helps people who are estranged from a parent or caregiver who want to heal trauma and live their most beautiful lives.
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